He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
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