Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
