just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
