i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
