dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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