i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
