So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
