I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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