Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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