I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
