he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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