he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
