i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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