i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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