I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
