Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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