yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
