he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
