My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
