Porn is love you can see.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
