I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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