We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
