it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
