Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
