I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
