The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
