You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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