??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
