I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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