and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
