if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize