I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
