barbara walters just said penis...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
