after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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