god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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