I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
