I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
