Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
