Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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