the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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