I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
