My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
