you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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