I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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