she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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