Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
