so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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