If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
