Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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