Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
