Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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