I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
