i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
