Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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