I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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