Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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