The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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