I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
