maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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