It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
