I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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