So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
