was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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