Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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