"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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