my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
