we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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