My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
